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28 maart Friday
I’m doing better today. But I apologized to my co-worker who I snapped at and am waiting to speak with the person who caused all of this in the first place. I’m happy it’s Friday and am ready for the weekend. Enjoy the weekend everyone.
27 maart MADI am so angry right now over something that happened at work that I could just scream. I called My Prince and spoke to him about it but my blood is still boiling. I needed another outlet, so here I am. I’m telling the world that I am pissed as hell over something that happened at work today. I could spit fire right now (my Mom says that). My stress, tension, and anger levels just blew through the roof. I spoke rather angrily to a co-worker and am now feeling guilty and ashamed for the way I spoke with her. But most of all I’m angry with the man who caused all of this and for making me feel this way. I know I need to calm down and relax but I just can’t. My neck is sore from the tension in it, my head hurts, and my stomach is filled with butterflies. I was having a pleasant morning until this happened now I’m having an unpleasant afternoon. Things will calm down and I’m sure it’ll be all right but just so the world knows, I’m MAD!
~ FC 26 maart I’m OkayI haven’t been posting in a while because I didn’t know what to post about. I still don’t know what to post about but figured I’d just ramble on a bit so you all don’t think I just fell off the earth.
First, I’m glad to report that I am feeling better. I don’t know if it’s just the meds, the walking, or the therapy or perhaps all three combined but I’m feeling better than what I was. Yesterday was a great “mood” day for me. Meaning that I was feeling rather good yesterday and happy. The best part is that it seems to have carried over into today as well. But I’m not going to tell you any of that because I might jinx it, lol.
My Prince and I have been looking for a place to live and well, My Prince thinks he’s found the perfect place for us. I like the place as well I just have my reservations on the whole subject mainly due to the fact that I have a job opportunity coming up this summer and it would involve us moving to another part of the city than where this house is. The job requires me to live in that part of the city, no exceptions. But, I don’t have the job… yet. But we’ll see what happens I suppose.
My sister and her ex-fiancé are still living together and it would seem he is going to move with her at the end of this month. What will happen from there, who knows? All we can do is sit and wait to see what the idiot decides to do.
Also, I just watched the movies: Becoming Jane, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (with Johnny Depp), Eragon, and In Her Shoes. I enjoyed Becoming Jane if you are a Jane Austen fan than this movie is definitely for you. It’s romantic and heart breaking. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was a bit of a let down. Call me old fashioned if you will but I like the older version, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, of this movie better. Johnny Depp was just creepy in it (which I suppose he was supposed to be). Eragon was absolutely fabulous! I do recommend reading the book first (which is what I did), but I thought the movie complimented the story well. In Her Shoes was very close to being like the book and was very enjoyable. Again, I recommend reading the book first though because the movie leaves out some fun things and background information that might confuse you.
Speaking of Eragon I’m reading Eldest which is the sequel to Eragon and of course I’m loving this book! It has quite a bit of action in it from an unexpected source and a lot of drama. It’s amazing that this young author was able to create such an exquisite world full of magic and wonder.
My good mood also may be due to the fact that one of the horrific managers here in my office will be out over the next few weeks. Today is the first day that she is out and the atmosphere in the office is so much lighter than when she is here.
Well, I think that is enough randomness for today. I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words and support.
~ FC 18 maart For My Sanity, I WalkOn Sunday night and Monday evening I went for a 30-minute walk. I enjoyed the Monday walk better than Sunday because Sunday night it was freezing. Unfortunately, my leg is still not well. After about the first 10 or 15 minutes it really starts to become painful. I’m going to try and call my doctor today to find out how my x-rays results turned out. I would assume they are ok or I would have heard something by now but I’ll still call nonetheless. It’s raining outside but I’m still intending on taking my walk. I hope the dreariness of the day doesn’t worsen my mood.
I am happy to report though that my medication seems to be helping me. I’ve even stopped using food as much as a crutch for my emotions. That doesn’t mean that I’m eating completely healthy just yet but I am doing better which is quite the accomplishment. This time last week I could care less whether or not I was eating ice cream just to make myself feel better. Now I just am not interested in eating it at all.
Also, the title of this post is my new mantra. I keep trying to think of my walk as a way of medicating my depression. We’ll see how long it lasts.
Thank you again for all of your support.
~ FC 14 maart Sister StressMy sister’s fiancé decided to break up with her Wednesday night. She called me yesterday and kept me on the phone for longer than what’s appropriate for work. I can’t say that I’m upset about this development because she was yet another loser on her chain of loser guys. Just file another one away in the Loser Ex-Files. They were planning on getting married in October. Thank goodness this one didn’t make it to the bridal shower like the last one did. But needless to say she is still embarrassed about telling friends and family how she is no longer engaged (again) and how she’s not getting married (again). But this is my sister’s vicious cycle if you go back into my archives I wrote a post all about her.
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely feel bad about my sister but I’m happy that she’s not marrying this idiot. It hurts me to hear my sister experience this pain and I wish I could help her. They are going to continue to live together for another two weeks and then they are both moving out. They were planning on moving out at the end of this month any way.
She needs me and I’m trying to be there for her but…
~ FC
P.S. I did not make my 30-minute walk last night, I spent too much time on the phone. I’m going to ask My Prince to walk with me this weekend though. 13 maart FrustratedWell, I met both of my goals last night. I felt good about it for about 2.5 seconds. But hey, I did it. I’m frustrated beyond belief and I realize how mundane what I’m about to tell you may sound but whatever.
After I returned from my walk yesterday I decided to prep my car for its inspection/oil change appointment today. Since I enjoy driving around a nice clean car I have to protect the interior because of the slobs who get in and out of it while they are working on it without a care in the world if their muck gets on my property. Anyway, so I took a bed sheet and towel out to my car and begun protecting my car. I then signed my updated registration card and realized that I needed to get my insurance card from inside my home.
I grabbed a few things from the car that would probably make all of the men at the dealership blush and went back inside my place. I then started searching for my updated auto insurance card. I found the insurance card and stared at it long and hard to make sure the dates were valid. I wanted to make sure this was a valid card to take for my inspection for my car because they won’t do it if it’s not valid. I stared at that card and the dates listed on it for probably a good two full minutes before I was content that the dates were indeed valid and correct so that I could use that card. Before I walked it back out to my car I made myself look at the dates one last time. I felt good about checking and rechecking myself so that there were no mistake or hang-ups once I took my car in this morning.
I dropped it off and came into work. After an hour and a half of them having it my phone rings. The insurance card I left with them is expired and I needed to call the insurance company to have them fax a valid one over to them. In the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal. But the effort that I put into making sure this card was correct only to find out that I can’t even get that right, even with (what I thought was) careful checking, just has me wanting to cry.
I know it doesn’t make sense but this just has me feeling so out of sorts it’s rather (dare I say it?) insane.
~ FC Goal for tonight: Take 30-minute walk 12 maart Tonight's Goals
Wish me luck
TrappedSome days, like today, I feel so trapped in life it’s overwhelming. I feel like someone put me in a cardboard box labeled “FC’s Life” and taped it shut. No matter where I go, what I do, or who tries to help me I end up going through a lot of emotions and jumping through hoops of fire only to find myself standing on the same side before I jumped. I’m living a life of Groundhog Day Monday through Friday. The first ten minutes of Joe Versus the Volcano is my life.
I got a lead on a job opening from a brother of a friend. I talked to this stranger on the phone more times than I can count, I typed up more e-mails to him than I can count, and bought and sat through a lunch with this person all in hopes that he could help me get a new job. In the end they didn’t want me. I don’t blame this brother of a friend for that but I’m mad as hell at life for making me do all of those things that I didn’t want to do and come out empty handed. I’ve been struggling to get out of this job position for what feels like forever.
I also feel trapped with my emotions. It’s like I can’t put into words what I’m feeling or what I’m going through. It’s frustrating because I’m paying a doctor to listen to me talk and I’m finding it extremely difficult to say what I need to say. She wants me to go for a 30 minute walk every night, to write in a journal, and try to think of one positive thing when laying down to go to bed for the night (I haven’t been sleeping well).
Since there’s been no one at home after work I’ve been going home and eating my weight in food. I’ve been using food as a crutch of sorts and I can feel the damage that it’s doing to my body but it’s like my common sense switch is just turned off and I don’t care. Before all of this if I’d come home and eat the way that I am I’d feel so guilty and talk myself out of getting so out of control. But that voice seems to have been tied up and gagged by the Depression bad guy.
It’s hard for me to put this information out there… but here it is.
~ Fat Chick 05 maart LaughterOn Sunday night I said a word that sent My Prince and I into hysterics. The funny thing is I wouldn’t even know how to spell it. It was a name that I heard off of a television show about an imaginary creature. I have no idea why it popped into my head or why I decided to call My Prince by that name but I’m glad I did. We laughed for a good half an hour over this name and used it in other contexts that just made us laugh harder.
We continued with our new inside joke the next morning over breakfast and again we ended up in hysterics. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Then Monday evening I saw My Prince again and again we continued to giggle over our newfound word. We also watched two old rerun episodes of America’s Funniest Videos and laughed until we were both in pain from laughing so much.
It felt amazing to laugh and to laugh that much. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time. I know for a fact that My Prince hadn’t laughed like that in a long time as well. But it made me feel good all of Sunday night, most of Monday, and even part of the day Tuesday. Some times laughter really is the best medicine.
Unfortunately, today I’m not doing as good. My laughter has definitely stopped and I’m feeling terrible again. It’s rather disappointing that my “laughter high” died away so fast. But here I am feeling bad on the inside again.
This weekend I’m going to my Aunt Bee’s house for my cousin Hilary’s baby shower. Back in January when I heard about this shower I was thrilled. Now I don’t want to go and it makes me depressed just thinking about going. I’m hoping that the weather is too bad to make the trip out because it’s a three and half hour drive. We’ll see what happens on Friday.
I’m feeling a tad sick as well. Some thing is going around the office and I think I might have caught it. I’m actually excited over the idea of taking two sick days tomorrow and Friday, but that’s only if I still am not feeling well tomorrow morning.
I don’t remember if I reported this or not so I’ll just put it out there my doctor diagnosed me with a pinched sciatic nerve in my back and I’ve been taking medicine for it. It seems to be helping a little every day. My second round in therapy wasn’t nearly as bad as the first but it was just an introductory session. The real talking begins next Tuesday… we’ll see how that goes.
Work has been consuming me in a way I never thought possible. They’re trying to squeeze blood from a stone and I have yet to see that miracle, but I’m trying. I need to do laundry tonight and go grocery shopping. Anyone want to do that for me? I didn’t think so.
~ Fat Chick |
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