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September 28 ComplicatedHave you ever had a time in your life when you were going through a ‘rough patch’ and did an activity, or went to a certain place, or had certain music playing, etc. and once you’ve made it through that bad period of time in your life you stopped said thing? Then once things returned to normal or you moved past that rough patch you were faced with that activity, place, song, etc. that reminded you of that bad time you tried to avoid it? Ok, let me clue you in on what I’m trying to say.
If you’ve been following along with my blog for a while then you’ll remember the rough patch My Prince and I went through in January through to about March or April of this year. During that period of time My Prince and I started hiking with a group of people on the weekends then we got poison ivy and stopped going.
Well, there are a lot of bad feelings, moments, and people in that hiking group that I associate with that rough patch My Prince and I went through. Not to mention last weekend My Prince and I had a ‘heated discussion’ over something that happened during that rough patch. Now all week I’ve been wanting nothing more than for Friday to come and to be with My Prince that is until he e-mailed me and asked me if I wanted to go hiking with that same group of people two weeks from now. This made my heart stop, made me feel like crying, and has bummed me out to the point that I no longer feel excited that it’s Friday like I was. I know it’s because of the rough patch My Prince and I went through and that I associate that time period with that hiking group. Is that really fair though? They didn’t have anything to do with it yet in a round about way they did. I just feel like someone has stabbed me in the heart. Obviously I don’t want to go hiking with this group of people.
I just hate the fact that a simple question has brought up all of these bad feelings inside of me. I really don’t want to face that group of people. I don’t want to feel the pressure that I associate with them. The one part of my brain says, “You’ll just have to explain to your Prince how this makes you feel and he’ll understand and not make you do it.” Then the other part of my brain says, “Why don’t you just suck it up and deal with it? That crap is all in the past and you had fun hiking when you did it. Just ignore the people who bother you and make new memories with your Prince and most of all make him happy.”
I hate feeling like this. Tell me if you’ve ever been in this situation and what it was that you did.
Thanks,
~ Fat Chick September 27 Saving This for a Rainy NightYesterday evening I went to my second Curves session and decided I really like the workout. The women there are so nice and make you feel right at home. This makes me happy because I know the remainder of my time there will be enjoyable but it makes me sad at the same time. My finances are really tight right now and I know that I’m going to want to continue going back even after the volunteer group study is over. But I know it’s just not feasible with my current financial situation. Have I mentioned that I think I need to pick up a part time job?
Two things (going on three) hit me hard in the finance area this year. The first being my medical insurance and with that being stated it should come to no surprise when I say it went up… way up. At first I didn’t think it was going to make much of a difference but here we are three months into it and I’m just barely squeaking by. The second thing was this class I’m taking. I had to pay upfront and in full before I even went to the first class and lets just say I barely had enough money for that. Had I not had that extra cash in my account at the time I wouldn’t have been able to afford it (like now). The third financial woe I’m currently facing is my cell phone died and I now need to purchase a new one. With the current state of my refrigerator and pending bills I just don’t know when I’ll be able to get one. Friday’s payday though (finally) so we’ll see what I can manage. Well, that’s enough complaining about that. Last night after my workout I went to My Prince’s house to have dinner with him. Without my cell phone and my new after work busy schedule, My Prince and I have limited contact during the week, so I was missing him like crazy and we made a dinner date. Worry not dear reader, I chose wisely even though we ate out. I ordered a salad, grilled tilapia, with corn, and rice. I’m not a big fan of fish but when it came down to fish or chicken I decided I should go with the fish for once. I ate my whole salad, about half of my entrée, and My Prince ordered carrot cake for dessert and I only had two bites. I call that a success! Just to be on the safe side I weighed myself this morning and was pleased to see that I remained at the same weight. Usually after eating out I avoid the scale because I know the outcome won’t be any good. Now I just have to get through this weekend in the same manner.
I had such a great time with My Prince last night even with the rainstorm that blew through. We’re supposed to get more rainstorms today. One bad ramification of the storm was my power went out last night while I was watching a DVD and when I tried to turn my DVD player back on (once the power came back on) it wouldn’t turn on. I went to bed and hoped that this morning it would turn on but alas it would not. This probably goes in my ‘financial woes’ section because there’s no way the DVD player will make it any where near the top portion of ‘things I need to buy’ list *sigh*. Good thing I have so many books.
Waiting for Friday (payday),
~ Fat Chick September 26 Life is just SO much fun!(Yes, you can mix a little bit of sarcasm in there as well as keeping it real.)
Today is Wednesday, which is the official weigh in day for the “Look Great In 2008” Challenge. Even with my bad food weekend I still managed to lose 4.2lbs. since last Wednesday. I’m not too excited about this because it’s probably 90% water and 10% fat that I actually lost. Also, I don’t know how accurate that is because last Thursday my scale’s battery died and I had to replace it. So, it’s very possible that it was giving me a bad reading last week and that’s why there’s such a big difference. But regardless this is what I’ve recorded so I’ll take it! lol
Last night in my class I had a quiz I know I mentioned earlier. I have one word to sum up that quiz “yikes”. I’m hoping I got most of the questions right. But there are a few questions that I had to bite my nails on. I live by the theory that it’s better to write something rather than nothing at all. After class I spoke with two of my fellow classmates and received similar feedback to my own take on the quiz and the questions. One of the women, lets call her Linda, in my opinion is one of the smartest people in the class and she currently runs her own business in the subject that the class is about. On the section I had the hardest time with on the quiz she admitted to leaving two of the five fields blank, so that made me feel a little better about myself. But on the same hand when I agreed with our other classmate about two of the answers that Linda didn’t think of that I put down on my paper as well she gave me this look like, “But you’re a computer technician. You don’t even do this for a living, how could you possibly have known that?” It was so obvious that when I walked away with my other classmate she made comment on it. *sigh* It’s a tough world out there. As if I need any more insecurities about what I’m doing. I had a small boost when my professor showed me my homework paper score: 100%. He seemed genuinely proud of me. Hell, so am I. It’s difficult doing this ‘double agent’ stuff. By day I’m a computer technician/network administrator, by night I’m well… I haven’t told you that just yet so lets say, “by night I’m a college student’.
Well, I started this post about three hours ago and am only now getting back to it. So lets wrap it up, shall we? I have another quiz next Tuesday for my class and I’m even more worried now that I know what the quizzes are like. Also, tonight I’m going back for round two at Curves and I think it’s going to be just fine. I don’t see why I wouldn’t enjoy it today as much as I did the first time.
That’s all I have right now. I’m sitting on hold, waiting for a teleconference that I attend once a month to start so I better jet before it starts.
Happy Hump Day,
~ Fat Chick
P.S. Please excuse any mistakes for I don’t have time to read over it. Thanks!
September 25 Curves... yeah I've got those.Last night was my first time at Curves as a volunteer case study. I arrived ten-minutes earlier than what I was supposed to and it seemed like this was a good thing because I was one of the last appointments for the day and the workers wanted to get home. I filled out my required forms, answered a few embarrassing questions, and then got weighed with my shoes on!!! It was all uphill from there. Curves is a circuit-training program and this was my first time doing circuit training. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. The trainers and other ladies there were extremely nice. I am officially signed up for 6:30 appointments every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It’s only a 30-minute workout for three weeks so I don’t know what kind of results they hope to achieve in such a small amount of time but if I end up enjoying this ‘test drive’ then maybe I’ll sign up for a membership.
Speaking of my health, I have a confession to make. Last weekend I didn’t do well with food again. So, this week I’m going to come up with a game plan. My Prince and I eat out on the weekends and with all of those yummy, tempting, bad for you choices, how’s one supposed to resist? lol My plan is to make up a ‘smart menu’ of all of the healthy choices on it at the places My Prince and I frequent the most. It won’t be easy choosing from my ‘smart menu’ but I’ll give it a whirl any way.
Tuesdays (like today) are becoming a bit of a ‘food challenge’ for me as well. Tuesdays are my long days because I wake up at 4:50am to do my boot camp workout, get to work by 7:30am, work until 4:50pm, go to my class for 6:00pm, and then finally get home about 9:30pm. The problem in this schedule is dinner. I tried eating dinner at 5:00pm before I left for school and would get hungry by the end of my class and go home and eat again. I tried eating a snack before class and eating dinner afterwards and that didn’t work too well for me because I was starving by the time I got home. Today I’m going to eat my lunch 30-minutes later than usual, take a Kashi bar to class with me and eat it when I start to get hungry, and if I still am hungry when I get home from class I’ll eat something small. I’ll report back how well this works out.
Now onto something that has nothing at all to do with my eating habits or exercises. Tonight in class I have a *gasp* quiz! I’ve been studying like it’s a mid-term or final and hope to goodness that I do well on it. I’m nervous… VERY nervous. I haven’t had to take a quiz for a class in five years! I want to do good so much that I can taste it! Wish me luck!
Also, there's this contest going on over here at Tales from the Scales that I'd like to win. The prize are these yummy nature valley snack bars. Here's hoping I can win some yummy goodness! LOL ;)
~ Fat Chick September 24 Quick NoteTonight is my first night as a Curves Volunteer. Cross your fingers all goes well!
~ Fat Chick September 18 Look Great in 2008 ChallengeI’m taking part in a challenge with a wonderful group of ladies over at “Tales from the Scales”. What the challenge is about: “Don't wait for New Year's Resolutions, start the year out looking and feeling great!” When I saw this challenge I knew I had to take part in it. I read about this challenge the same day I wrote “An Open Letter to My Body”.
Already I have a confession to make so soon after my letter. Over the weekend I started out great when it came to choosing healthy foods but quickly fell by Sunday night. Only this time I treated myself differently. I wrote in my personal journal about why I think I chose those unhealthy options and what I was feeling at the time. I hope to use this information in the future to help me make better choices. In the past I would mentally beat myself up for my mistakes but I’m trying something different this time. I’m only human and I will make mistakes. So here it is, only Tuesday but I feel like I’m already back on track.
On the flip side of things my exercising has been great! Thursday and Friday morning I woke up and did my Billy Blanks Boot Camp video, Saturday My Prince and I took a five-mile walk, and on Sunday My Prince and I took a short 30-minute walk after dinner. I’ve continued with my morning Boot Camp workouts yesterday and today. I’m quite proud of the fact that I’m easing back into a routine so easily. *knocking on wood* (you can never be too careful, lol)
At this point and time I’m way too embarrassed to share my weight number with the world. I’ve accepted the number within myself and to me that’s all that matters. But just because I’ve found a way to make peace with it doesn’t mean I’m ready for all of you to do so, lol. My short-term goals are to lose at least 5lbs. a month. This is what I was doing when I first started this blog and ended up with great results. Since this challenge runs until January my long-term goal would be roughly 20lbs.
I plan to reach these goals by eating healthier, cutting out calories, and consuming more fruits and vegetables. For exercise, I’m going to lean on Billy Blanks Tae Bo workouts. I’m starting with 30-minute workouts every morning Monday through Friday. Next Monday I’m going to have to come up with an alternative to this schedule because I’m starting a volunteer program with Curves. They will have me on a 30-minute, 3-day a week, for 3-weeks schedule. Right now I think I’m going to do my Tae Bo on my “off” days with Curves, in the morning, and my Curves workouts in the evenings, using still Monday through Friday. Confused? Don’t worry, so am I. lol
This is my update on my health and what I’m doing about it. Stop over at “Tales from the Scales” and if you decide to join in on the challenge, let me know! We can help each other out.
~ Fat Chick
September 17 Bad couple of days
I'm ready to go home and curl up in bed. It can only get better from here... right? September 13 An Open Letter to my BodyDear Body,
It’s time we sat down and had a talk. For the past 25 years I’ve beaten and battered you. Then I swore at you and degraded you like it was your fault. Well, I’m here to say, “No more!” I don’t know why but it all hit me last night as I watched an overweight woman talking about a disease she has that had nothing to do with weight loss or obesity. But the look on her face as she talked about what it was like having the doctor tell her that she had two years to live if she stayed on an oxygen tank 24/7 and that she’d be lucky if she had six months left to live I knew I had to change.
I apologize that the clothes I bought that once fit are now too tight and make you uncomfortable. I apologize for demeaning you in front of the mirror when I had to go and buy bigger sized clothes. I apologize for all of the harm that I’ve caused you. You deserve to feel better, get around easier, and to feel healthier than what I’ve allowed you to. I accept all of the blame for not thinking about you while I shoved good tasting food into my mouth to please my tongue but neglected to think about the consequences it would have on you.
Once the interview with the woman on TV was done, I decided to start right then and there to pamper you or as I thought of it “the calm before the storm”. I took a half an hour bath, with bubbles, a candle, classical music (if I wanted it), a wine glass of raspberry ice, a book, and just relaxed for half an hour. After the bath I cut my toenails, something I’ve been putting off for the past few days, smoothed night cream lotion on my face, and trimmed my eyebrows. I also splurged by putting leave in conditioner in my hair, while I allowed it to air dry. It’s the simple things that all add up to one great thing.
Finally, I created little notes that I proceeded to hang around my apartment with inspirational thoughts on ways to take better care of you and to keep as constant reminders to myself. I added a daily weight chart to my refrigerator to keep track of how well I’m taking care of you. Then came the part I know we both hated the most, it was time for the pictures. I settled the camera in just the right spot to take practically naked pictures of your current state. Fear not, though, they are not for me to criticize or point out your flaws. These are just inventory pictures and reminders of what I’ve done to you. I promise to use them for nothing else but to see the abuse you’ve put up with so many years and to look back on as I treat you better and see the fruits of my labor. I will do my best to keep in mind that twenty-five years of abuse will not be washed away over night. But I’d like to think that last night was the first step in changing from the inside and later would reflect on the outside.
I always prided myself on being a non-smoker until I’ve discovered that I’m damaging you in the same way as if I were. According to the Surgeon General reports a sedentary lifestyle is as detrimental to your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Putting it that way was a slap in my face. But I know better now and plan on using this information to help better you.
I know there will be hard days and days where I slip. I ask you to be patient with me as I learn day to day the best ways to take care of you. This transition will be hard as time goes on but I think we’re both up to the challenge. Welcome back the days where our S&M relationship with Billy Blanks meant success. I’m proud to say that my determination did not waiver over night. I ended the night with more pampering to you; you’ve really been through so much. I put you in your favorite comfortable pajamas, climbed into bed with a book, and read until you became tired.
This morning when the alarm went off at 4:50am I did not want to get up to exercise. But staring at me from above my alarm clock was that nice little note that said, “Just Do It” to help me along. I knew that would be a good place to put that. We stepped on the scale and smiled at the note above the scale that said, “Stay Strong” I accepted the number without putting you down and proceeded to allow Billy Blanks to kick our butt.
Tomorrow is payday and I will make a true effort to buy groceries that are better for you. My tongue has had enough indulgences to last a lifetime. My focus is on you now. You have my total attention. As luck would have it I received a Curves volunteer card last weekend. I am going to call them today in hopes that they will take me on as a volunteer where they will help me care for you for three days a week for three weeks. I think you deserve it.
Things have to change and they start with me. I’m sorry it took me so long.
Yours truly,
~ Fat Chick
P.S. I’ll update later today or tomorrow when I find out if Curves has accepted me as a volunteer.
P.P.S. **UPDATE**: I called Curves and am an official Volunteer!!! My first appointment is on Monday Setp. 24th!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
September 12 Typical Morning Conversation with My New Cubicle NeighborSydney: Hello
FC: Hi
5 minutes later
Sydney: My computer’s broken.
FC: Your computer is not broken.
Sydney: Oh, it’s just an update running.
FC: Yep.
Sydney: This is taking a long time.
FC: Patience is a virtue.
Sydney: I have no patience I’ll be the first to admit it.
FC: Fine then, good things come to those who wait.
Sydney: Good things never happen to me.
FC: That’s because you never wait for them.
Sydney: I don’t like surprises. I’m a control freak and surprises make me feel like I’m not in control.
FC: To each his own
Sydney: I’ll agree with that.
Someone make her go away… please?!
Happy Hump Day,
~ Fat Chick September 11 Here we are again...Just when I say things are beginning to settle down they get all mixed up again. When I get more time I'll fill you in on everything that's been going on.
Remember our loved ones that were lost today and the soliders who still fight for them today.
~ Fat Chick September 06 Missing YouUsually on my lunch breaks I listen to classical music, while I read, on my ipod. Today I had to take a quick walk over to the bank and would usually select my “Workout” play list. This list has upbeat music on it that makes the walk a little more exciting. But I decided to listen to my country music play list instead. I started scrolling through the songs and stopped first on Miss Me Baby by Chris Cagle. That lasted me until I reached the bank. Seeing I had some time to wait I then scrolled through for Come a Little Closer by Dierks Bentley and listened while I was in line. Just as I was getting off the elevator to my office the song Your Man by Josh Turner started playing which was the song in line after Come a Little Closer. While I was heating up my lunch and Your Man was coming to an end I realized that these songs meshed with my mood today.
Miss Me Baby
Come a Little Closer
Your Man
Who do you think I’m missing?
If I had to guess I would say it’s that handsome and sweet guy who was lucky enough to have this week off of work where as I clearly do not. He is three and a half hours away by car, in the mountains, working on an old cabin roof with his Dad and Grandma for company. He will be back tomorrow in time to join me on our always assumed weekend dates.
Yep… I’m missing My Prince like crazy…
~ Fat Chick
September 05 Getting Better...Things are starting to settle down a little bit. Either that or I'm just adjusting to my new circumstances. I'm going to guess it's a little bit of both.
Yesterday was my first day of my new class. I'll be taking this class every Tuesday from 6 to 9 for three months. I was very nervous but it turned out to be pretty cool. I just hope I can continue to think and say that.
I just wanted to jump on here and give a quick update that things aren't so bad. Thank you for the well wishes. I'll update more later.
Take care,
~ Fat Chick
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