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A Fat Chick Trying to Find HerselfJune 29 Today is not a good day….First, I’d like to preamble this by saying: I have run out of my Celexa and have been off of it for four day s (counting today). So, I’m sure that has something to do with how I’m feeling today.
Today is a bad day for me emotionally. I’m not missing Rogelio, however I am terribly upset over the idea of going back to “my house” this week to go and pick up more of my belongings. Will he be there? If he is, will he say/do anything to me while I’m there? If he’s not there when I get there will he come home in the middle of me being there? I really just don’t want to have any interactions with him ever again. But, my things are still in that house and I need to get them. This hurts.
Part of me wants to go do this task completely alone and another part of me wants someone to come and help protect me emotionally. Yet, at the same time, I want someone to hold me afterwards and tell me that everything will eventually be ok. A big part of me feels like I can’t handle this emotionally on my own. Another part of me wants to go over there and give him a piece of my mind. But the bigger part of me thinks staying silent (regardless if he talks to me or not) is the better way to go.
I keep trying to think of fun things to do afterwards to help me get through this. I’m going to take a look at the movie listing and see if anything strikes my fancy. If not maybe I’ll rent some movies. Then there are always a few gift cards I have right now that I could go out and use. Also, I was planning on doing lunch with my Dad (who is retired) and maybe even go over to swim in his pool. Reading a good book is always a good way to spend time. I love reading.
I’m looking forward to July 4th when I’ll be going over to my Dad’s house for a cookout and fireworks show afterwards.
I’m sad today.
My heart hurts. ~ FC June 26 Missing Michael JacksonI was in shock to hear that Michael Jackson passed away yesterday. As a matter of fact, when I was told the news I thought someone was trying to trick me. I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea of him being gone. Yes, he was weird, yes it’s possible that he was a child molester, but damn that man could sing and dance!
I am reminded of owning a Michael Jackson Barbie doll when I was younger. I was convinced I was going to marry him (yikes! I know!) Does anyone else remember the Michael Jackson cartoon? I do.
Farewell Michael…
~ FC June 24 I’m Back From Vacation? What?I’ve actually been back from vacation since last Saturday. I cut my vacation short. Instead of coming back on Sunday I came back on Saturday. The two main reasons for this was that 1.) I got lonely and 2.) it was too hot to be camping out in a tent.
The drive there was great! I took my time and enjoyed as much of the scenery as was possible. The best part of the drive there was finding a boxer dog on a highway in Virginia. I couldn’t believe it! She was just walking down the road, so I pulled over and called to her. She was extremely friendly and very pleasant. But now here I was in Virginia with a lost dog. I decided I would go door to door looking for the dog’s owner.
After about five houses and no luck the last house I went to suggested I go to the ambulance station that was up the hill. It was a good idea so I did just that. Here the dog belonged to one of the EMT’s girlfriend. He was happy to see the dog safe and sound. I was happy too! Otherwise I would have had to explain why I was bringing a dog home with me from my trip J.
I arrived safely in Myrtle Beach, SC however I discovered that the registration office for the campground was closed. I thought this meant that I couldn’t get in. So, I drove to the nearest Best Western and I booked a room there for the night. It was a luxurious room. It had a Jacuzzi bath tub!
The next morning I woke up, packed up my car, and drove down the road to the campground. Once I started the check in process I learned that I could have stayed there the night before because they supposedly have someone there 24 hours. I don’t know where though because I didn’t see anyone when I was there. But you live and learn.
So, I drove to my spot and set up my tent. After that I got changed into my bathing suit and sun dress and hit the beach. I found a nice spot under the pier where I was protected from the sun. The rest of the day I spent swimming in the ocean, reading my book, and just relaxing on the beach.
That evening I went back to the campground, took a shower, and settled down with my book. Once it got too dark to read I went into my tent with my book light and read some more. I slept soundly through the night. The next morning I was hot, thirsty, and lonely so I packed up my stuff and headed back home.
My ride back home was less eventful than the one down. I was happy to get back home and my family was happy to welcome me back. However, earlier that morning my Step-Sister’s boyfriend broke up with her. So now we have another guest staying at the “Broken Hearts Ville Hotel”. This should be interesting ;)
~ FC June 17 VacationI'm leaving on vaca tomorrow morning. I'll be back Monday. My feet will be in the sand soon enough!!!! YAY!
~ FC June 15 GO PENS!!!!!I have a lot to post about but right now I'm celebrating the fact that my Penguins won the Stanley Cup!!!! WOOOOO!!!!! June 09 And this is how it all ended….I’ve e-mailed Rogelio at least three times in the past three weeks and have yet to get a response from him. So I decided to send him a text message today asking him to read and reply to the emails. We’ll see what happens. I just can’t figure out what he’s waiting for. I want to pound out the details and move on with my life. I’m tired of hanging on to something that just isn’t any more.
Here are the “gruesome” details of what happened. Rogelio and I had been arguing ever since we moved into the new house together. Rogelio has a bad case of “OCD”. Even though he hasn’t been officially diagnosed I’ve gotten professional opinions. Anyway, the OCD wasn’t a problem when we weren’t living together. He had certain “quirks” that I had gotten used to over the years. But then those “quirks” came into what was supposed to be our home.
As you can imagine things didn’t go quite as smoothly as we were hoping. So, like I had mentioned above, we had been having the same arguments over and over again. Finally, I had it in my head that I was going to give him an ultimatum. Either he goes to therapy with me so we could work things out or I’d leave. However, once the time came for me to say that I chickened out and asked him to go to therapy with me only.
This happened on the last day I saw him. After I asked him to go to therapy with me he began asking me questions. Rogelio told me that he thought maybe we could talk through the issues ourselves. I reminded him that we’ve been trying to do that all along and it was not working. He persisted and so we started talking (again).
Once again the discussion got out of hand and we were arguing again. I told him if things weren’t going to change then I was leaving. He called my bluff and I started to pack up some of my stuff. While I was packing he came up to me and asked me where I was going and for how long I was going to be gone. I answered him and continued on my way. We argued some more when he interrupted my packing progress. Then at the end of that argument he screamed at me to, “Get out!” So, I did.
The part that hurts the most is that he hasn’t once tried to get me back. He didn’t try to stop me when I told him I was leaving, he didn’t beg me to stay, and he didn’t beg me to come back (not once). No phone calls, no text messages, no e-mails, no nothing. That was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Here I was desperately in love with him and he just let me walk away. So now you are up to date on what happened. Perhaps I should say, “No w you know The End of that story”.
But really it’s not the end. He still has all of my stuff in the house (I think), he’s still living in the house, I’m still paying for the house and utilities that I’m currently not using, and he refuses to talk to me. I’ve asked a friend here at work, who happens to be an attorney, for advice. We have a timeline and then we’ll jump into action.
Please say a few prayers for me. Goodness knows I need them….
~ FC June 08 Um... What?What does it mean when your ex's Aunt calls you but doesn't leave a message? Any ideas?
~ FC |
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