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A Fat Chick Trying to Find HerselfNovember 11 I GOT THE JOB!!!I am SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! I got the job. I'm giving my two weeks' notice tomorrow and my start date is Nov. 30th!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
~ FC Butterflies in my stomachOk, I wasn’t going to put a post up before I found out whether or not I have this job, but I just can’t take it anymore and need to get this all off my chest.
The interview went great yesterday! I mean it was fabulous! It went so well that the Director’s daughter (who is a toddler) hugged me three times in front of her mother. Do I think that is a good sign? Yes! Especially when the Director said, “She’s never like that.” I would like to think that she handpicked me for this position!
The center that I would be working at is awesome! I just want this job SO badly. The pay is crap but my cousin and her husband don’t mind they want me to get my foot in the door and started. Also, I’ll be able to bartend on the weekends once I’ve finished my online schooling. I hope so much that I get this job.
The Director told me that she would be calling me today and of course I’m on pins and needles waiting for this call. I want her to call me and tell me that I have the job. I want to allow myself to think of the future and possibilities that will come with this opportunity. But with all of the thoughts that are swimming in my mind about if I get this job are driving me crazy. I want to know and therefore be able to start planning for certain.
I have no idea what time she’ll be calling. Everyone around me is convinced that I’m getting this job and let’s just say that it will be a huge disappointment to me if I find out that I’m not getting it. The interview just went so well I can’t imagine not getting it but at the same time I wonder if someone was better than me and she will decide not to hire me. It’s so nerve wracking!!!!
I don’t know how I’ll make it through this day. The time is torturing me. I can’t believe its only 9:00am. It feels like I’ve been here for 8 hours already not 1 and half hours. Please let the Director call me and tell me I have this job, please let me be giving my two weeks’ notice on Monday, please let me be going to Maryland as a new resident!!!! I’m dying over here!
Prayers, crossed fingers and toes, and well wishes would be greatly appreciated.
~ FC November 09 Please, wish me luckTomorrow morning I have a job interview in Maryland!!! I am so nervous and excited at the same time I can hardly stand it! Please send good vibes my way!!!
~ FC November 04 Couch to 5KAs I have mentioned in a past post (somewhere), I am following a program called “Couch to 5k”. I’ve tried this program before and didn’t get very far. However, this time I am proud to say that I am into the fifth week of the program. Each new goal it sets for me to reach I’m always a little nervous and wonder if I’ll be able to really do it or not. Then, once I’ve proven to myself that I can, I feel SO good and proud with the sense of achievement. Supposedly, in four weeks I should be able to complete the whole 5k. I need to come up with a reward for myself for the end of the program. I’m excited over the idea of achieving this goal but I want to reward myself with something as well. Right now I’m planning on rewarding my first 10lb. los s with my first ever professional hair coloring appointment. But I’m not sure what I’ll do for myself yet for completing this program. I need to come up with something quick though because I can always use the extra motivation.
~FC October 29 (Trying for) Positive VibesMy blog definitely needs some positive vibes so here are 10 GOOD things about this week:
1. I lost 2lbs.
2. The presentation I made for last night’s seminar went over smoothly
3. I’m up to jogging 16 minutes in the couch to 5k program
4. The Penguins won 6-1 last night
5. Had a good hair day yesterday
6. Went shopping with Mom Tuesday night
7. Lunch was bought for me yesterday
8. I resisted eating pie and ice cream earlier this week
9. I still have a $100 bill in my wallet that I’m saving
10. My car stopped making that noise that it started making on Friday
Ok, I did this to help make myself feel better and instead I feel bad that it took me so long to come up with this list and that this is all I could put on to it.
~ FC October 28 A Need To CryMy lack of writing lately is mostly due to two things: 1. Work and 2. My emotions have been so out of whack lately I haven’t felt capable of pulling together a coherent thought. I guess I still feel that but today I actually felt like getting some words on paper (screen?).
I’ve slowly adapted to my “new” life as a single woman who lives at home with her Mom and Papa. I’m trying to find my footing so that I can go back out to the big, bad, mean world and try again. This time I’m hoping not to get spat out once it’s through with me.
Some days I feel so lonely that being with people isn’t enough. Other days I want nothing more than to be alone and feel too crowded. Other times I’m missing his touch and his company. I wonder what it is that I’ve done. I wonder if he’s hurting still too or if he’s moved on to greener pastures. Then I quickly dismiss those thoughts from my mind.
Some days I wake up feeling like I have the perfect plan for myself and this “new” life that I’m leading. Then other days I feel so lost and confused and like I have no direction.
I hide in books. I seek comfort and sympathy from books. I seek love, companionship, friendship from books. It’s not healthy but it eases my mind.
Most days I hate what I’ve become and other days I love this “new” woman. She seems so strong and brave. Then I look in the mirror and see the scared little girl who is overwhelmed with life and the world around her.
Aunt Flo is visiting and she’s drawing on my weaknesses and making them stronger. All of these bad feelings have been intensified since her arrival. I’m ready for her to leave; I’m having a hard enough time with things without her “help”.
Halloween is soon to be upon us and usually this time of year I am giddy with excitement and have done several spooky things. Yet this year, I have done nothing but gone to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It hurts to think of how this time of year used to bring me joy. If no other time during our relationship, October was always good and fun. The fact that I haven’t participated in festivities this year makes me want to cry and the idea of actually participating in festivities without him makes me want to cry.
I just want to be happy again.
~ FC October 08 Who are you and what have I done with me?My brain feels like a big jumble of incoherent thoughts. From time to time I’ll grasp onto one and concentrate on it with all of my might or force it back into the oblivion with all of my might. Either way, it’s exhausting.
Some days, like yesterday morning, I feel pretty damn good about the decisions I’m making and the goals I’m trying to achieve. Then out of nowhere (see previous post) I’m pulled back into the depths of misery. Not only did Rogelio’s email to me throw me off kilter but my work day in the afternoon just went insane. I called my Mom and whine and complained to her and begged her to let me go and resign.
Now here I am again today feeling pretty bad about life and dreading my meeting with Rogelio. All I can think about is tomorrow. Tomorrow evening I will be on my way to Mary’s house, tomorrow I will be in the bed that seems so much more comfortable than the one at my Mom’s house, I will wake up to two little boys Saturday morning just as excited to see me as I am them and then off to the farm we’ll go. Oh, I guess I haven’t told you about that yet.
I found a farm near by Mary’s house where I will be taking her two boys for the day to enjoy their Pumpkin Festival. I think it’s going to be great fun. While I’m out with the boys Mary and Will will be starting a home improvement project. Then hopefully going out to dinner all by themselves. While me and the two monkeys enjoy a movie and then bed time.
But right now, at 2:30pm on Thursday, all of that seems so far away from my grasp right now. All I see right now is another hurdle in which I have to jump over when I can barely crawl let alone jump over anything.
~ FC |
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